Future Plans

Today we took a walk and discussed a few things considering the nearer future.

Just so you know, they don’t involve me going back to school in October. And before you start to feel sorry, I’d like to say: Don’t. Only if are filthy rich and want to try something different like putting me through college and allowing me to keep my apartment and my DSL connection and still have the occasional Amazon shopping spree. Then, feel free to feel sorry and start sending the cheques.

Anyway, don’t feel sorry, because it was my decision and I have various reasons and started to think about alternate plans a while back. The basic thing is that at the moment I just don’t dare to leave my job. We’re doing fine right now, saving up some money, and basically not worrying about money. It’s a good feeling and as of now we just can’t predict my husband’s job situation. Maybe it will change quickly and I can start thinking about going back to school, but right it’s just all too unpredictable and I like not having to worry about money. It’s nearly that simple, although of course it’s always a little more complicated, but I don’t think I need to go into all the details.

So, I told the husband I don’t plan to go back to college this October. It doesn’t feel right at the moment. It is my dream, yes, but I know enough of dreams to know that the harder they are to make true the better you feel once they come true. I can wait for another year, if that’s what this is going to be.

Maybe I will have changed my mind completely by then. Maybe other big things will happen in this one year. Who knows? I’m not unhappy with my decision although I do feel a little bit sad, because I had already kind of set my mind to it and it felt good. Now I know that I’m not ready to quit my job. Maybe I would have decided differently if I lived alone and had only me to worry about. But I’m not and I love my husband and this is what comes first, even if it means delaying one of the things I’d want so much.

I had some other thoughts about things I’d like to try out. One big thing (and it sounds like a minor thing or maybe just an excuse, but it’s not) is getting one of these fancy MacBooks. Why is that a big thing? Because I want to try out a lot of things in podcasting, writing, blogging, translating, designing and programming and sometimes I just can’t sit still and concentrate at my desktop PC. It drives me crazy. I think of writing, but I think of writing in bed or on the couch or on the balcony. None of my writing thoughts involve my desktop PC. I want to be creative and try out new and old things, but it feels like I need something more flexible, something to carry around. Something to do some live-blogging while watching TV or something to take out in the sun to write a story. When I talk about this my husband would just buy me a MacBook on the spot. I tell him that I don’t want that. I want this to be a thing to wait for. Maybe for my birthday. It feels wrong to just go out and buy one. I need to crave it, to really want it, to make plans what to do with it. Just buying one seems to easy. Now we compromised and he’s going to buy me one with the money from his next teaching job – whenever that will be. Hopefully soon. It’s a good compromise.

My future plans also involve applying to new jobs. So, it’s not like I plan to just stay where I am. I just am not ready for this big change yet. I’d rather just try a few things out first and see how my husband’s teaching jobs pan out and then maybe we can afford for me to quit my job and go back to school next year.

So, please don’t feel bad or sorry or anything. I made these decision after carefully thinking about where I am right now and what I want. I set some priorities and I came to a decision. And I’m happy. I am.