Preparing for Goodbye
I just came home after spending four hours with my grandfather. Or rather, my family and my grandfather.
I couldn’t spend time there alone, but I’m always grateful of someone else is there and if I have the time I will come, too. It’s strange to see how much he has changed since last year. About a year ago he was at my wedding and he brought me flowers and stayed there until the evening.
Now he can’t even get up. He just lies there and breathes. But so much better are the moments when he realizes we’re there and despite everything you can see that he’s smiling.
I try to stay calm while I’m there, but the minute I left the room knowing that my aunt and uncle were still there, because they couldn’t bring themselves to leave, I started to cry. Not so much for my grandfather, but because I see how hard it is for them. He has lived a very long and hopefully mostly happy life, and if dies now that’s just the way I know it has to be. I can prepare myself for that. But seeing my aunt and uncle with tears in their eyes just breaks my heart.
I just hope that everything will be okay.